Hello, good people of Skelfleet. A quick byline to explain, I sometimes fill in as a reporter when the rest of the team are busy. I hope you don’t mind!

A mechanical malfunction atop the spire of St. Jude-in-the-Fens has caused the parish weather vane to freeze rigidly pointing due East, causing widespread confusion among local farmers and laundry managers.

The iron cockerel, erected in 1891 to commemorate Queen Victoria’s visit to near-by Brigg, became seized during a heavy downpour on Wednesday morning.

“The difficulty,” explained Churchwarden Mr Septimus Higgins, “is that generations of Skelfleet residents have relied on that bird to determine whether to plant oats or dry bedsheets. With the cockerel stuck on East, half the village believes an easterly gale is imminent, while the wind is actually blowing gently from the South-West.”

Local sea-captain turned allotment holder Captain Thomas Croft reported that he had worn oilskins for three straight days under clear blue skies before noticing the bird’s immobility.

The Parochial Church Council has authorized £14 for grease and ladder hire, though steeplejacks are not expected until mid-October owing to a backlog of spire maintenance in Winterton.

Parishioners are advised to disregard the spire and judge wind direction by observing the tilt of Mrs Finch’s prize hollyhocks.

(A footnote from mesen, if I may. Us Grimmo lasses think this whole affair is a right load o’ hoo-hah, and that the church should be getting on serving tea to the old folk and keeping the church mice in line instead o’ fretting over old iron cockerels).

Best wishes,

Penelope Penne xx